This is a very personal post for me and it wasn’t easy hitting the “publish” button.
It’s my hope that through sharing the following story I can offer a perspective that helps people feel more accepting of their mistakes, their imperfections, and their struggles.
I was bleeding pretty bad. I sobbed and I waited for the ambulance.
I woke up staring at the filthy NYC subway platform. Why I was so close to the floor? How did I get all the way down here?
Then I noticed all the blood.
I stood up clutching my forehead. I didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, a kind man guided me to the turnstile where I feebly cried, “Help!” to the poor woman working the kiosk.
As the day progressed I had lots of time to piece together what happened as I sat for 5 hours in the hospital bed.
The worst part is that my phone died before I could catch the Pikachu that was somewhere in the hospital.
I remember squatting as I waited for the train, as I typically do. I remember standing up and feeling dizzy. Then I remember waking up. That’s it.
Apparently, I passed out and busted my head open on the floor. Fun stuff.
I’m actually really embarrassed. I was super reluctant to write about this. Frankly, the only reason I decided to was because my own coach said I should. And I agree with him; I shouldn’t let my own feelings of shame get in the way of being real and honest with you.
I’ve felt shaky emotionally and physically ever since then. Everytime I step into a subway station or even stand up now I’m ill at ease.This accident was COMPLETELY unexpected. It made me realize what powerlessness is.
My embarrassment mainly stems from being a fitness professional. As someone who feels like he’s supposed to embody health and wellness, how do I explain just fainting? Especially when it probably could have been prevented by something as simple as eating breakfast or drinking more water?
I haven’t posted on Instagram or Snapchat because I can’t really hide the wound on my head. Questions would inevitably be raised by the gash above my eyebrows, and I didn’t know what I would say. So this is me preemptively answering those questions.
I’m telling you all this because I don’t want to bullshit you. Ever.
I’m always going to be straight up with you, even if it’s not easy for me to do. I don’t want to be fake or hide behind a facade of “perfection” as is all too common in this industry.
I’m not perfect. I have bad days. I miss workouts sometimes. And health can often STILL be a struggle for me too.
We ALL have our bad days, whether we write about them or not.